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29th April 2024
MondayReflection
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John Piper shares
More Thoughts for Fathers on Ephesians 6:4
The Part of the Sermon that Didn't Get Preached
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Last Sunday we spent almost all of our time on the first half of Ephesians 6:4: "Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger."
Paul says to all of us, especially dads, "Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamour and slander be put away from you [not just your children!], along with all malice.
Be kind to one another, tender hearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you" (Ephesians 4:31).
Anger is the cannibal emotion: It eats all the others till none is left.
It does this first in fathers, and then this constricted soul is passed on to the children.
Anger is absorbed as the dominant emotion and all the tender feelings die.
That's where we stopped. So here are a few thoughts on the rest of the verse.
Keep in mind that, even though both mother and father work together in raising the children ("children obey your parents," v. 1), fathers are the special focus of verse 4.
Fathers have a leading responsibility for raising children.
This is a natural extension of the headship of the wife (in Ephesians 5:23-25.)
Dad should take the initiative to make sure that plans and processes and people are in place to build a vision of God and truth and holiness into the lives of the children.
Bring them up...means most basically to provide for - especially with nourishment.
But it comes to have a broader sense of rearing children with a connotation of care.
The solicitous feel to the word shows up where Paul says,
"No one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it."
That word 'nourishes' is the same word as 'bring up'.
So the focus is on the fact that, in all that a father does to bring his children to maturity there should be a provision and a care that assures the child that, behind all the discipline and instruction, there is a great heart of love.
This earthly father is working all things together for the good of his child.
And so God's character is being displayed.
Discipline... signifies the actions a father takes to give his children the abilities and skills and character to live life to the glory of God.
"All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness."
Notice that "teaching" is mentioned earlier in the verse. "Training" involves the action of the one being trained and then the helpful consequences of doing poorly or well.
So the word often refers to the painful part of training:
"It is for discipline that you have to endure.
God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline?
Growing up with a Christian father's help involves being shown how to do the things that a Jesus-exalting life requires and being held accountable to do them as well as you can.
Instruction is not the ordinary word for "teaching".
"Instruction" does not quite capture the force of this word.
In fact, it is used alongside of the word 'teaching' as different from it.
The idea of 'warning' is prominent.
One major Greek lexicon defines the word like this:
"to counsel about avoidance or cessation of an improper course of conduct."
We can see the corrective, warning side of this word where Paul says,
"We urge you, brothers, admonish the idle, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with them all."
What the idle need is something a little different than the fainthearted.
That is called admonish - a corrective warning about the fruitlessness of this kind of laziness.
But Paul is keen to make sure we feel the sweetness in the admonition he has in mind.
"I do not write these things to make you ashamed, but to admonish you as my beloved children",
"Do not regard him as an enemy, but warn him as a brother."
There is a warmth to the correcting, warning, and guiding that fathers are called to do.
In other words, the most important thing in raising children is that they come to see Jesus, the Lord,
as supremely valuable as Saviour and Lord and Treasure of life.
Everything is measured by how that might be biblically achieved.
><(((°>
Bible references available on request
John Piper
is founder and teacher of desiringGod.org and chancellor of Bethlehem College & Seminary.
For 33 years, he served as pastor of Bethlehem Baptist Church, Minneapolis, Minnesota.
He is author of more than 50 books, including Desiring God: Meditations of a Christian Hedonist and most recently Foundations for Lifelong Learning: Education in Serious Joy.
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